I was at my thrice-weekly visit to the High Risk Pregnancy Clinic here in Las Vegas and had experienced some painful twinges, only to discover my contractions were 5 minutes apart!
Ten hours of slow-moving labor later (not what I intended), little Ava was born weighing a healthy 7 pounds and 13 ounces.
She's so beautiful – we're totally in love – and with her my family now feels complete.
Leading up to the birth, things seemed super crazy. Sean and I were scrambling to get as much work as we could do in order to take some time off after the baby was born. A family member and partner were arrested in Australia during police raids for possession and other stuff to do with drugs (a story that I’ll spare you the details from). Let’s just say that addiction can be like ‘The Nothing’ in the Neverending Story where it sweeps through families and leaves emotional destruction in widespread directions. It’s a constant dance of judgment and acceptance of simply what is.
So with the combination of work, family drama, juggling my three children, an emergency c-section, a tubal ligation, a nasty case of hemorrhoids (oh gosh, I really shouldn’t go there), it left me feeling slightly depressed and disconnected for the first time in a long time. Yes, I had my beautiful baby girl that I had deeply bonded with, my other 3 amazing kids, a wonderfully supportive husband Sean, and a super-nanny, but something just didn’t feel right emotionally. My circuit board was fried. And if you know me, or my story, you’ll remember that it takes a lot to drain my battery and deplete my reserves of magical fairy dust.
I had allowed family issues, drama, judgment and hormones (totally understandably) to dull my sparkle.
My epiphany? Unplug, disconnect, hide, hibernate and allow myself to be still for a while and wait for Divine instructions as to what to do next.
I spent 4 weeks pretty much in bed. I didn’t leave the house or see anyone. I stopped writing, replying to emails or posting on my blog. I refused interviews, kept phone calls to a bare minimum and watched reality TV shows to maintain the numbness. I needed stillness for a while and it was the best thing ever in order for my purpose and my vision to recalibrate and resurface.
A spiritual teacher feeling depressed? Is that allowed?
Youbetcha bottom dollar! In fact, it should be required experience for anyone making a living teaching others how to create a life they love.
This funk wasn’t postpartum depression. I’d had that after I gave birth to my son 15 years ago. I would definitely say, however, it was the baby blues paired with overwhelm.
Sometimes when we’re in overwhelm we have become so accustomed to it that it feels normal, until you totally burn out and recognize that something isn’t functioning as well as it should.
Ways to identify if you’re overwhelmed and may not know it…
1. You rarely take time to care for yourself
2. You’re constantly putting the needs of others before your own
3. You’re always on your phone/Facebook/Instagram
4. You’re emotionally reactive, sometimes with a short fuse
5. You feel uninspired by things that usually light you up like a Christmas tree.
Just remember: LIFE IS SEASONAL
So when you go through crappy and uninspiring times in your life, remember that it will soon pass and you will get through it. Life will naturally push you onto the next chapter. Breathe, take one moment at a time and slow down (if you can). Please seek support if you don't feel the fog lifting. There is no shame is asking for help when you need it.
I’m so thankful and I know I am feeling more refreshed since taking a break from my work. This deliciously selfish time made me more determined than ever to bring the message of vibrational energy management and manifesting to the world in 2017 and beyond.
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